12th Anniversary!!!!

Today, Joe & I have been married for 12 years!!!!! Wow....that is a long time!! I can't believe we are old enough to have been married that long! I know we got married young (19/20 years old), but I do NOT regret it for one second! I don't think I have ever thought, "I wish I could have done this or that before I got married". It was in God' perfect design for us to get married when we did. Now it is fun to freak people out when we tell them how long we have been married. The usual response is, "What?!?! Did you get married when you guys were like 14"??? LOL!! I guess being married & in love has kept us looking young!

I love you Joe!!!! I couldn't be more happier with who God chose for me!!!! You are the desire of my heart!!!!

Parents of Angels

I came across a beautiful blog today. It is a blog that a woman on a message board writes. She has had eight losses, two of them second trimester losses (as far as I have gathered). I think she is the author of the following:

20 Things Parents of Angels Wish You Would Remember...

1. I wish you would not be afraid to mention my baby. The truth is just because you never saw my baby doesn't mean he doesn't deserve your recognition.

2. I wish that if we did talk about my baby and I cried you didn't think it was because you have hurt me by mentioning my baby. The truth is I need to cry and talk about my baby with you. Crying and emotional outbursts help me heal.

3. I wish that you could talk about my baby more than once. The truth is if you do, it reassures me that you haven't forgotten him and that you do care and understand.

4. I wish you wouldn't think that I don't want to talk about my baby. The truth is I love my baby and need to talk about him.

5. I wish you could tell me you are sorry my baby has died and that you are thinking of me. The truth is that it tells me you care.

6. I wish you wouldn't think what has happened is one big bad memory for me. The truth is the memory of my baby, the love I feel for my baby, the dreams I had and the memories I have created for my baby are all loving memories. Yes there are bad memories too but please understand that it's not all like that.

7. I wish you wouldn't pretend that my baby never existed. The truth is we both know I had a baby growing inside me.

8. I wish you wouldn't judge me because I am not acting the way you think I should be. The truth is grief is a very personal thing and we are all different people who deal with things differently.

9. I wish you wouldn't think if I have a good day I'm "over it" or if I have a bad day I am being unreasonable because you think I should be over it. The truth is there is no "normal" way for me to act.

10. I wish you wouldn't stay away from me. The truth is loosing my baby doesn't mean I'm contagious. By staying away you make me feel isolated, confused and like it is my fault.

11. I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be "over and done with" in a few weeks, months, or years for that matter. The truth is it may get easier with time but I will never be "over" this.

12. I wish you wouldn't think that my baby wasn't really a baby and it was blood and tissue or a fetus. The truth is my baby was a human life. He had a soul, heart, body, legs, arms and a face. I have seen my baby's body and face. My baby was a real person.

13. My babies due date, Mothers Day, celebration times, the day my baby died and the day I lost my baby are all important and sad days for me. The truth is I wish you could tell me by words or by letter you are thinking of me on these days.

14. I wish you understood that losing my baby has changed me. The truth is I am not the same person I was before and will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to get back to ""normal" you will stay frustrated. I am a new person with new thoughts, dreams, beliefs, and values. Please try to get to know the real me-maybe you'll still like me.

15. I wish you wouldn't tell me I could have another baby. The truth is I want the baby I lost and no other baby can replace Eli or Collin. Babies aren't interchangeable. Besides, you may not know that we have fertility problems too.

16. I wish you wouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable talking about my baby or being near me. When you do, I can see it. The truth is it's not fair to make me feel uncomfortable just because you are.

17. I wish you wouldn't think that you'll keep away because all my friends and family will be there for me. The truth is, everyone thinks the same thing and I am often left with no one.

18. I wish you would understand that being around pregnant women is uncomfortable for me. The truth is I feel jealous.

19. I wish you wouldn't say that it's natures way of telling me something was wrong with my baby. The truth is my baby was perfect to me no matter what you think nature is saying.

20. I wish you would understand what you are really saying when you say "next time things will be okay". The truth is how do you know? What will you say if it happens to me again?

Comments not showing up!

For some reason, whenever I post a comment on someone's blog or even in response to a comment on my own blog, it does not show up!! I have no idea what is wrong!

Jessica & Kim, if you are reading this, I have tried commenting on your blog multiple times, but nothing! I have tried to comment on my own blog...nothing!! I use to be able to do this before. I put in a question to blogger to see if they can help me!

I am still reading all of my subscribed blogs!!!!!

Heartbeat!!!

So, Jaden & I went to get a check on the baby's heartbeat today! Joe didn't go. It wasn't a real appointment, just a check to ease my mind that they baby was OK. Missy watched Jaxon for me. I knew that Jaden would love to see the baby!

I did see the nurse. She acted a little differently. Honestly, she acted a lil confused on why I was there. Normally, I would go through her first if I were to have an out-of-turn Dr. appt. She didn't ask me & I didn't offer any info! Jaden was a chatterbox, talking about a TV show he watched last night called, "I didn't know I was Pregnant", and was going on & on about how a lady on the show gave birth on the toilet. He was also spouting off facts about the details of his birth. The nurse didn't have a chance to say anything rude to me. Maybe I should bring Jaden to EVERY appointment!!!

In the room, my doctor did an on the belly ultrasound. I thought I would get a transvaginal one again. That is what I was hoping for, just so I could get a better look at the baby. I wanted to ask, but didn't want to push my luck. I didn't think that we would be able to see anything because last week, you could see a sack & a baby, but no heartbeat. That is why they did a transvaginal one. Also, the ultrasound machine looked like it was from the early 80's! Seriously, you could tell that the monitor was an early model monitor!!! I asked the Dr about it & she laughed and said it probably was that old! LOL!! So when we got to see a heartbeat, a tiny flicker, on the screen, I was pleasantly surprised! That means the baby is growing!!! My doctor said that she saw the baby move!!! It was a little jolt! I thought I saw it, but I can't be 100% that I can say I saw it. The heart rate looks to be 150-160, very strong!!!

While at the appointment, Jaden was informing our doctor of the development of a growing embryo! He had a wadded up wrapper in his hand. This represented the mother's egg. He had the "egg" traveling down to the uterus, which was an arm band/braclet! "You see, at one week the baby has a tail. At two week it does not have arms or legs, at three weeks there is still a tail but now arms & legs. At four weeks, no arms and legs. But at five weeks, the arms & legs start to grow. When the baby is 14 weeks, then the baby turns into a real baby!" Jaden is such a hoot!!

Staying for now

So, first thing this morning I called & made an appointment with the new Dr. The only thing that concerns me is that when I asked about when they did ultrasounds, they said that they only do them at 20 weeks. Well, that is not going to fly with me. I am not expecting to get another ultrasound this time around until 20 weeks, but with all my future pregnancies, I need (and believe me I NEED them for peace of mind because I go crazy waiting & wondering if the baby took)them. Plus, I am also concerned that this Dr is so old. I mean he has been an OBGYN for 35 years! He may say he is going to keep practicing for a long time, but time is really against him. Then I will have to AGAIN look for a new Dr. I really want a Dr for the long haul.

Then I called the current Dr and asked to speak with an office manager. I told her about my concerns and that I wanted to switch practices. I was expecting them to either give me a hard time, which would confirm my decision or just be like, "Ok, here is our fax number & you will need to sign a release". What I did not expect is for the office manager to be so nice. She kept apologizing for what had happened, reassured me that I did the right thing to call & that she knew how hard it was for me to call in. Of course I started crying when she said these things. I felt like a bumbling idiot for crying on the phone like that! She then became even nicer to me. I did not expect for her to be so caring. I could tell that she genuionly was upset for me, not that she was losing a client. She convinced me to talk to my Dr about what had happened, not just about the nasty nurse, but about my blind spot. She also promised me that our conversation would be held in the strictest confidentiality between me, her & my doctor. The nurse will never know that I was the one who called in.

So, my doctor called me back a little later. We talked for a long time. We talked about my blind spot. She wants to keep an eye on it so that if it starts getting worse, we can look at medication to treat it or send me to a nurologist. Then we talked about the nurse issue. I could tell that this was not a shock to her. She told me that she knows that there is a definant personality differance between her nurse & my old nurse. She also told me that there are steps being taken reguarding this nurse. She told me that if I have any concerns, then she can talk to me directly. Then she mentioned that she knows & understands that I am really concerned about miscarrying again (I mention that to her at our last appointment) and if I have any weird cramp or spotting or anything, I need to feel comfortable to call in. She said that my peace of mind is just as important to the baby. And she would not mind at all if I came in once a week to get an ultrasound done just to check on the baby until I feel comfortable about it. Of course I was crying when we talked about this & I told her that I was sorry for crying & that I was embarassed about crying. She told me NOT to feel bad about crying. She said that she is really sensative & that she crys at a drop of a hat! She would be crying if it were her in my situation.

So, I am going to give them another chance. I am really, really hoping that me calling in will get the ball rolling to change the nurse. Also, it made me feel really good that both the office manager and doctor both were really upset at what happened & that they would do anything to keep me there. I have an appointment in the morning to have an ultrasound. My ultrasounds will be free & I can have them as often as I want. I do not think I will need to come in once a week. I think that I may just want to come in once before my vacation to Ohio (just so that I am at ease). After that, I will be near 12 weeks so I should be able to hear the heartbeat. I will be at the end of my first trimester. I think that after that I will feel fine about the baby.

I will update the blog tomorrow and let you know how my visit goes!

Switching Dr's.

I use to get optical migraines before I was pregnant. It seemed to be triggered by a shift in hormones. I would get a weird psychedelic blind spot in my eye. I would have to wait till it would finally leave. Then I would get a super bad headache.

Anyway, I got one of those today while I was at the park with my kids. I had to sit at picnic table until this blind spot passed. I felt dizzy afterward & had a hard time focusing. This time was a little different than ones that I have had in the past.

So, I went online & read that I should call my Dr if this happens in pregnancy. I put in a call, hoping that my Dr would call me back instead of her nurse (I have had issues with her before). Well, the nurse did call me back. I explained what happened to her. She told me that this is NOT pregnancy related (she kept repeating this throughout the whole phone conversation). She said there was nothing that they could do for me on their end, but to call them if I have any pregnancy related issues.

OK, so I got off the phone with her, crying my eyes out because she made me feel so stupid, like I was a first time mom (no offense to them at all!!!) who was worried about every little thing. This is my fourth pregnancy!! Anyway, I would have never called but I was concerned that something might have happened to the baby causing a hormonal surge, causing me to have an optical migraine. I mention this to her. She was like, "Honey, your are pregnant! You have hormones all over the place". Like I was stupid or something!! Even if this is nothing, I feel worse now that I even called. I mean, I think having a blind spot in your eye, feeling dizzy would be a normal reason so call your Dr!!!

I totally do not feel comfortable calling there again. I have called in the past because one time I had shortness of breath that I found concerning. She called me back and made me feel stupid for calling then. She was kinda short with me when I had my first visit too.

I have never had another OB before. The one that I always had, retired. I got transferred to a new Dr in the office with a different nurse. I have no emotional connection to her. I am feeling that I need to find a new Dr. Another concern, that may sound stupid, but my OB is really young. She is actually younger than me (how I know is she has a public facebook page...she is a brand new...just out of med school. I know I shouldn't judge her by her age or photos she has on facebook, but I want a Dr with more experience with medicine & with life).

I don't know if my crazy "hormones that all over the place" are making me extra sensitive or if this is a real issue that I should really consider changing OB's. I would consider myself as being a very level headed person. I hate that I am even questioning myself & sanity!

So after talking about it with Joe, my mom & Missy, I have decided to switch Dr's. I think I may have found a good one. The Dr that I am thinking about has a ton of GREAT reviews online. Also I have a friend who does go to him & she spoke the world of him. I am weary about going to a male Dr, I really liked my female Dr, but what I really want is someone who is caring. I read online that this Dr is super caring & that he prays with you at your visits. That is the kind of Dr that I want!! In the morning (btw, my pregnancy insomnia has awaken me & I am typing this at almost 2am), I am going to give his office a call to see how I can switch OB's. Wish me luck in the process!

The Fight of Faith

Here is the link to that message that I was talking about a few posts ago.

http://bethelmurfreesboro.com/podcastgen/index.php

It is titled, "The Fight of Faith".

I listened to the first minute of it & could tell that it was recorded during first service. I go to second...but I am sure that it is just as good!

Enjoy!!!!

Union Boy

Today we took an impromptu field trip to The Civil War battlefield, Stone River. I have been wanting to go since we went to that one in GA. It was really fun & educational. We took a tour of the museum, grounds & cemetery. We also packed a picnic lunch & ate among the cannons. It was a great day!

I got Jaden a Union hat. I was thinking about getting Jaxon a confederate hat since he was born in the south, but I didn't want to spend that much money on something Jaxon wouldn't wear anyway.

When we got home, Jaden wore his hat & did a reenactment of his own war. The rocks in our back yard were the soldiers. He told me that "127 men died today" as he pushed the fallen rocks in his dump truck around the patio! How cute!!

Wonderful Weekend!!

Today is a B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L day!!!! Can't get much more perfect than today! Warm, with a cool breeze. Sunny outside with white fluffy clouds. Ah....perfection!

I am 8 weeks pregnant this weekend. At least that is what I am going with. Did I post how confused at what my actual week is? I will have to go back and look. If not, I will post about it soon.

Yesterday we went to a festival in Murfreesboro. Joe's younger brother's have a band that played at the festival. The festival was filled with all the different restaurants in the city. You could taste their food for a certain amount of tickets. Each ticket was .50 & most took 1-3 tickets. We bought $14 worth & one Kid arm band that got Jaden a hot dog, water, cookie, cotton candy, face painting (didn't get it though, line too long) and ulimited time on the bouncy thing & fire truck. All the procedes went to The Hope Clinic. The Hope Clinic is a pro-life clinic. It is like my favorite charity & causes! Jaden loved seeing his uncles singing. I think it was the first time he ever heard them sing! In between each of the bands, a DJ would play music. That is when we found out that Jaxon is quite the lil dancer. I knew he liked to dance to The Wiggles, but put on some music with a beat & you can keep him still! He was dancing along side all of the teenagers & adults! He was doing the Cha-Cha & some other line dancing! It was great! I was laughing so hard, I was crying!

Today I heard a great message at church. I actually was crying during parts of the message. The woman who spoke, it was like she was speaking to me. I have been feeling so guilty about doubting God when it came to me being able to carry this baby & thinking I was going to lose another baby. But I found out even John the Baptist doubted the Word of Jesus. As soon as the message comes available to listen to via podcast, I will post the link so you can listen to it! It was awesome! She made the Bible come to life. She explained what was going on in history at that time & knowing all of that made the Bible so much more current to me. I want to know the Bible more like that!

Nasty Nurse

So, the OB that I loved & adored retired early so she could stay home with her kids. I was so sad, but understood. She is in practice (the best practice in my city) with like 5-6 other OB's. She handpicked the OB to replace her. I trust her decision & will go to her.

Before my 8 week appointment, I called in twice to talk to the nurse. I had some concerns about some cramping & shortness of breath. I could tell the nurse was not going to be all that nice, by the tone of her voice. In the past, if I ever had any concerns about things, the old nurse would have me come in, just to ease my mind. I love the nurse & Dr!!!

When I went to my OB appointment, I weighed myself right before I went so I could see how the two scales differed. I mentioned what I did to the nurse. I told her I like the scale at home better to be funny. She snapped at me, "NEVER go by the scales at home"!!! Seriously, was that necessary?? First time meeting the nurse & she snaps at me? So I replied back to her, "Oh, I ALWAYS go by my scale at home"! And left it at that. She was really snappy to me the rest of the time. I asked in detail about all the blood tests & pap smears I was going to get that day. I mean, I should have the right to know what the blood tests are for. She snapped back at me again, "These tests are required BY LAW"!! Then told me what each of the tests were, like she was so irritated that I asked.

Then she asked me to give her a urine sample, but I told her the u/s tech had me empty my bladder before hand. I would have to "refill & give it to her later". I was trying to lighten the mood. She huffed, "I will NOT let you forget". Geez!!

She then looks at my u/s report, "Well, you are NOT 8 weeks like you said, you are only 7 weeks. We will see what the Dr will say about that"! (like I was trying to pull a fast one! When I made my appt, they asked me when my last period was, I didn't feel the need to explain my irregular menstrual cycle with the receptionist! I just gave her the date.) Now I was getting irritated. She was going on about something & I interrupted her, "I know I am not 8 weeks, I knew I was more like 7 weeks. I do not have a 28day cycle."

Here is the thing, I really like my Dr. (she is very much like my old dr in how she holds herself. I am nervous that she is so young (I checked her facebook page & she is 6mo younger than me!!) but I trust my former Dr in her choice in handpicking her) I do not want to switch a good Dr, just because of a nasty nurse. I would have to leave the practice entirely because they do not allow you to switch dr's in the practice. What I hate is that now I am going to dread & delay any phone calls or questions that I may have so I do not have to deal with this nurse.

Maybe I caught her on an off day. But if she continues to be snappy to me at the next visit, I am going to bring it up to the Dr. I am pretty sure that she is her only nurse & that she was assigned this nurse when she joined the practice a few weeks ago. I can't see her choosing this nurse, they are total opposites.

If you made it this far, you must be bored!! LOL!! Thanks for reading...I needed to get that off my chest!!

Jaden's thoughts on the baby!

The day that I took the digital test, I took it super early in the morning. I took a test the day before, there was a line but it was not all that dark. I knew I was pregnant at that point, but since the line was so light, I wanted to take another test in the morning to get that good "morning pee". I took another test, but that test was even lighter. Darn those Dollar Tree tests (btw, they are actually great tests, believe it or not! Better to practice pee on $1 tests than $8 ones!!)! So, I went to a 24 hour Kroger at 6:30am. I had to go to customer service to have them unlock the tests. I don't know why they have them locked up. Anyway, I got home & took the test. At this point, Jaxon was up. The test said, "Pregnant" and I gave the test to him & had him take it to Joe. :) Joe was like, "cool!". (For a man who has is bachelors in communications, he couldn't have come up with a better response?? LOL!!! I am just teasing you Joe)

So, Joe wanted to not tell Jaden yet. Well, I guess I left the test on the counter. After church, Jaden found it. He came up to me, holding it in his hands. He looked at the test, then looked at me, "Are you pregnant"? My eyes bugged out! "It says, Pregnant, are you pregnant Mom"? I didn't know what to say, so I said, "Go ask Daddy". He took the test to Joe and said, "Daddy, is Mom pregnant, she took an EPT and it says pregnant". Joe was like, "Hmmmm...interesting" Jaden came back to me. I asked him what he said. He told me, "Interesting". and then he ran off!!! I guess that was enough of an answer for him!

A few days later, I convinced Joe to tell him. Jaden plays rough with him, so I wanted him to know that he needed to be careful around my belly. So I tell Jaden, "Daddy has something very important to tell you", "What is it? Just tell me!!!", "Mommy has a baby in her belly"!! Jaden gets all excited. Joe says, "Now you have to keep it a secret, can you keep a secret"? "Yes"!! Then I ask Jaden, "Jaden, do you know what a secret is"? "No"! LOL!!!

Jaden is so sweet & so excited about being a big brother again. The other day I felt a lil sick to my stomach. He lays down with me & asks, "Can I rub your belly so that you feel all better"? He just layed there with me & rubbed my belly!! He melts my heart!!!

PREGNANT!!!!!!!!

I can finally announce it to the world!!! I am pregnant!!!!! We found out 4 weeks ago & boy has this been THE hardest 4 weeks!!! I have been so excited, but since I had that miscarriage a few years ago, my anxiety level was through the roof! My fear of losing the baby was overshadowing the joy I should have been feeling. That is why I was writing all of those anxiety filled blogs!

Ok, here are the details! We got pregnant on our first month trying!! That happened with Jaxon too!!! Joe & I made to have babies!!! ;) I actually officially found out the same day, two years later, that I did with Jaxon!!! July 26th is a good day for us!! Anyway, Joe wanted to keep it secret until we saw a heart beat. I understand that thinking, but I don't know why I couldn't tell everyone right away! I mean, a baby is a baby...if I would have lost the baby, I would have told everyone anyway. Oh well! Not telling everyone was killing me!!

So, I had my 8 week ultrasound today. I knew I was not 8 weeks. I do not have a normal cycle. I knew I was in the 7 week range. The ultrasound measured the baby as 7 weeks exactly. When I layed now on the table, I was breathing so hard. Tears were pouring down my face. All I wanted to see was a heartbeat. The tech told me she saw a heartbeat. I really didn't see it, I thought I saw a flicker, so I guess that was it. The baby was positioned weird. In fact, the tech was looking for a long time because she thought there was twins!!! I am still wondering if maybe the baby was hiding behind the other baby! Now wouldn't that be something. Joe asked her, "is there only one"? and she was like, "well, that is what I am trying to see (like she thought there was!)....the baby is in an awkward position..." She took forever looking. So she said, "Well, it looks like there is only one". Funny thing is, Jaden told me I was having twins! And when I went to my family DR to have them do a blood test, my hCG levels were high. Missy has been teasing me that I was having twins....she still is!!! LOL!!! I am probably having one....I better!! I would pass out with twins!!

I am going with just one baby!! Anyway, the heart rate is at 160...very strong they said! Well, I need to get going...I will write another blog tomorrow to let you know about the mean nurse & me meeting my new OB!!!

Trust

Merriam-Webster's Dictionary defines Trust as:

1 a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed

Trust is something I have a problem putting into practice. I have the basic trust that most people have. I am not suspicious of everyone I meet. I am not talking about that kind of trust. I am talking about the kind of trust that puts yourself out there, the kind that leaves you totally out of control. Now that I think about it, it is not that I don't have trust, it is just that I do not like feeling out of control.

What in the world am I talking about, you may ask? The trust I am speaking of is letting God having complete control of my life. Have you ever heard people say that if you do not get the lesson that God has for you, that He will keep bringing the same issues to you over & over until you get it? Some people never learn the lesson that God has for them....I do not want to be one of those people!

I know that whatever God has for me, I will be able to handle it. I know that there is NOTHING that would ever be able to shake my faith that I have in Christ. If I lose everything, if I lose my family, money....if I am all alone...I know that God will be with me. My love for Him runs so deep, it is who I am. Every breath I take, it is for Him.

Where my problem lies is that I hate feeling out of control. I hate "not knowing". God has blessed me with a great imagination, which sometimes can be a curse. I can imagine the most horrible things within seconds. I start to psych myself out on the "what if this happens"? I think that if I can imagine it, I can deal with it somehow. I defer from the Truth...letting Satan bait me with lies. All Satan has to do is give me a thought & I run with it. I play out all the scenarios in my head until I sometimes begin to believe them.

I am currently in a situation like this. I will be able to explain all of this later this week to you. Until then, you have to put up with my puzzling blog (lucky you!!) :)

I know the truth. But I let fear take over. I do not put into practice Trusting in God. One of my favorite verses is, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart & lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him & He will direct your paths". It seems so simple, right? Wrong! I wish that I would stop relying on my own self & just trust Him! It would make my life so much easier! I get myself so worked up over things out of my control. The other day I had lost it. I was so caught up in the "what if's" (the lies of Satan) that I was making myself crazy! I had to finally stop myself and begin to reason with myself.

"Ok, Jennifer (yes, I was speaking to myself!). God does not give us a spirit of fear. So, where does it come from? Satan. Satan only speaks lies. So...(insert the lies he was telling me....hey, if I told you what they were, I would ruin the blog for later this week....gotta keep you on the edges of your seats!). So the Truth is (I repeated the Opposite of what those lies were). God only speaks truth!!!".

If I had only trusted in the truth of what God told me in the first place, I would have saved myself a LOT of misery.

Sorry if all of this sounds so confusing to you. I promise you all that I am not a crazy person (at least I don't think so, lol) & that it will all make sense to you later on ( I hope!).

What I am learning is that no matter what happens, I will trust in God. Even if it is not what I want or hope for...I will trust.

Rainy Day Rambles!

*Jaden is spending a few days with my parents. He loves to go camping with them. He left yesterday morning. My mom will be bringing him back Thursday morning. I cried the morning he left. Jaden hugged me, "Don't cry Mom, just say, 'Yea, Jaden is going to Nana's"! Oh how I love him!!! He has never been gone away from me this long. My mommy heart is breaking! But I know he is having fun. I guess it gives me one on one time with Jaxon.

*Jaxon is officially weaned from breastfeeding! It has been 12 days since his last "nursalie" (nurse-a-lee). I am sad that we have closed that chapter in his life, but I know that it was the right time for us. He weaned sooooo easy, I was shocked. I think he was ready for it as well. He has also been sleeping in his crib for a month now. It has been over a week that he is sleeping through the night! And he is napping in his crib too!! He use to nap in his jump-a-roo for 1-1.5 hours. Now he falls asleep in it, then I move him to his crib. Since doing this, he sleeps longer: 3 hours!!! You would think that a 3 hour nap would mess up his sleep at night, but no! He actually sleeps longer & harder at night! About 10-12 hours!!! A lot has happened for him this month!! I am so proud of him!!

*My goal for the day is to stay in our PJ's all day! I have no plans so go anywhere today. It is just Jaxon & I home, so he is in his jammies & I in mine! Joe will probably be surprised when he gets home, but oh well! You need a jammie day sometimes!!

*I made cupcakes last night. Jaden is gone & Jaxon hates sweets (what is wrong with this kid?), so it looks like it will be my sole responsibility to consume all 24 of them!!! I think I will gain a million pounds this week!! I was craving chocolate & this totally hit the spot! Joe was mad when he saw the cupcakes on the counter (not really mad...he is just trying to lose a few pounds & I am foiling his plan!)! LOL! So, I guess, being the good wife I am, I will eat them all so that he will not be tempted to eat any. I love him enough to do that! ;)

The Things You See in Tennessee!!!

On our way to church, Joe & I saw the most interesting, yet disturbing thing! In the next lane, we saw a woman who was driving her car with her window down. She had her left leg hanging out the window. Our only guess was that she was trying to relax while driving. Then as our car got closer to hers, we noticed that she was rubbing her leg with her hand. At closer examination, she was rubbing her leg hairs!! Oh so not what I wanted to see first thing in the morning!!! What confidence this woman has to, first, drive with her leg hanging out the window & secondly, to have no qualms about the world seeing her rubbing her hairy legs!!!

Baby Brother

Now that Jaxon is officially sleeping in his crib & 80% sleeping through the night, we are finally using our baby monitor. I have always heard that you can pick up phone conversation from them, but it has never happened. Now, if you know me, you know how nosey I am & something like that is just up my ally! (Note to self, remember to pick up Grama's police scanner when I go back home to Ohio next month)

Well, the other night Joe was trying to get Jaxon to sleep. I was in my bed reading a book. I turned the baby monitor on thinking that Joe was upstairs with him. In fact, he was still downstairs. I heard some baby noises from the monitor. At first, I didn't think much of it. Then I heard a woman speaking Spanish thru the monitor. Either a woman broke into our home, or I was picking someone else up. Then I heard a man's voice, also speaking in Spanish. Oh, if I only spoke the language! I thought that I was picking up a telephone conversation, then I decided that it was another monitor that mine was picking up. I could hear the baby babbling to herself. Blowing raspberries. It was kinda cute!

Now, on the other side of things, I am not so sure I like the fact that someone could be picking up what we are saying! I don't want anyone hearing any of my bad mommy moments, screaming at the kids or threatening the dog that I am going to send him to pound (I am just kidding...I would never say/do those things....or would I?) I use to keep it turned on 24/7. Luckily, it is upstairs & we are hardly up there. Since that night, I am turning the monitor off when Jaxon is not sleeping. And when I do go up there, I now talk in my oh-so-sweet voice, "Good morning my lil baby sugar plumb". LOL!! Actually, that is how I normally talk to my kids. If anyone does listen in on us, they probably think I am crazy for talking that way! Ha ha!

Having a baby monitor is kinda like having Big Brother listen in on you...or in my case...Baby Brother!!!

First C

Jaden took his first practice spelling test today. He got a C. He is really upset about it. He wants an A+. He is writing the words he missed 3x each: wish, like, lady.

He is not use to getting anything lower than an A+. I am kinda glad he got some wrong. I don't think he was taking the test serious. He was suppose to be reviewing his words before hand, but I knew he wasn't. Now maybe he will listen to Mommy when he tells him to review. He never really took a test before, so he didn't know what to expect. Now he does. He is so competitive & has to be right/best all the time, hopefully he can use that for the good and get good grades in school.

He takes his real test tomorrow (yes,I know it is a weekend, but he will be missing school for two days next week to go to his grandparents house. We need to make up some days before hand so we don't fall behind). I will let you know how he does!! Pray for an A!!

Broken Hearts

My heart hurts sometimes. I recently lost one of my best friends. It is a private & long story that I can not get into. But I miss her so much. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about her. I think I have dreams about her every night. The other day was really hard on me. Jaden asked about her. He was crying because he missed them. My heart just broke. All we could do was pray. I held him close & we prayed. This is a really hard situation for us. Though they are not near us anymore, our hearts still hold them close.

Cinnamon Rolls

Jaden had a sleep over last night at his cousin's house. I love it that he has cousins close by that he can grow up with. He just loves his cousin, Kiana. they are best buddies! It was funny, Missy & I were on the phone this morning (like every morning for the past million years!) and she told me that they ate cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Jaden told her, "When we make them at home, I eat two cinnamon rolls. I wish I could eat more, but my Mom eats them all"!!! LOL!!! Now for the record, I do not eat them all (though I wish I could!!!). Jaden eats 2 & Joe and I both eat 3 each. they are the small ones, not the jumbo ones. We eat cinnamon rolls every Sunday. We call it, "Cinnamon Roll Sunday". It is a little tradition we started this past year. I love it...Mmmm...best tradition we ever started!!!

Jaden, Jaden!

The other night Joe was reading the Bible to Jaden. He was reading the story about Samuel. Jaden listened as Joe read that God audibly called Samuel's name.

"God doesn't call my name at night, Dad"

"He doesn't"?

"No...well, sometimes he does, but I tell him I am too tired"

"He does"?

"Yeah...but sometimes he wakes me up and tells me to go to the bathroom. So I just get up and go pee"

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Isn't that hilarious!!!! I about died when Joe told me that!!! Kids are so great!!!!

Happy Birthday Emma & Christina!!!!

Today my brother's baby girl was born!!! Her name is Emma Grace. She was born at 12:13am, 7lbs5oz, 19.5 inches. She looks just like her big brother! I wish that I could be there is see her, but pictures will have to do until I can see her in September.

Today is also my sister's birthday!!! Our niece was born on her birthday!!! How cool is that?!?!

Happy Birthday Girls!!!

All that missing is Oxyclean!!

According the website, TMZ, , Billy Mays ( Jaden's infomercial idol) had quite the interesting autopsy report:

Official documents show the following drugs were in Mays' system -- hydrocodone (Vicodin), oxycodone (painkiller), alprazolam (Xanax), nordiazepam (Valium), benzoylecgonine (byproduct of cocaine) and temazepam (anti-anxiety). Ethanol -- alcohol -- was also in Mays' system.

Holy Cow!! All that was missing was Oxyclean!!!

So Confusing

Yesterday evening, Jaden had a tooting problem. I finally asked him, "Jaden, do you have to go poopy"? He replied:

"No...sometimes when I toot I gotta poop, but these toots.....they are confusing"!

I laughed sooooooooo hard!!!! Jaden cracks me up all the time!!!

Junk Drawer

OK, admit it. You have a junk drawer...probably more than one right?!?! So, don't judge me as you read this blog! LOL!!

I don't know what got into me. I was ready to go to bed. Joe had already fallen asleep. I just put Jaxon down for the night. Jaden was having a sleep over at Nana's. It was already past 11pm. I was straightening up before I went to bed & put yet another thing in our kitchen junk drawer. I could not get it open because it was jammed packed with all sorts of....junk! I had had it! So, I popped out the drawer & began to empty all the contents out all over my living room floor. I kept a log of all of the thing I had found:

Pencils
A mess of cords from my blue tooth charger, flash drive, rubber bands & a OSU bobble head pencil
First aid kit
pens
paint brushes of all sizes
multiple craft scissors
kid scissors
Nearly 80 rubber bands
Needle nose pliers
Bee kit nails
Baggie full of push pins
Markers
Cowboy rope
Questionable metal pieces
dog nail clippers
air freshener
a bluetooth head set
comb
color pencils
CD cleaner
ribbon
light switch cover
measuring tape
Various store reward cards
Hair bands
tape
pic of Joe & Jaden
glue sticks
binder clip
water sample testing tubes
screws
nails
super glue
hot glue sticks
crayons
broken themometer
white out
cloth napkin ring
book mark
tweezers
telephone line adapter
chip clips
a tent stake
pad lock
teacher tape
broken watch
step counter
box cutters
chap stick
cabinet knob
18 keys I have no what I have no idea
mints
scented oil
rabies tag
pen caps
$3.05 in change

I got rid of 80% of all that junk & neatly organized the rest. It looks so nice too!!! Feels good not to have a junky junk drawer anymore!!

Heart vs. Head

Do you ever have a battle with your heart & head? My heart knows one thing, but my head over thinks, second guesses my heart & then doubt sets in....making me overly anxious! If I would just trust God, I would have peace, but I torment myself & make myself anxious. Scared of the "What-if's". I get mad at myself for letting worry pull me into the land of torment. It is my own fault.

Ahhh....I get so frustrated with myself!

Cleaning House

I seem to be vacuuming the carpet every day now. I am not sure why that is. As I was vacuuming, I noticed that my carpet looked horrible. So I pulled out my carpet cleaner & started cleaning the carpets through out the house. I then went into my bedroom and plugged in the carpet cleaner & noticed some pasta sauce on the wall!!! Where did that come from??? And how long has it been there? I am sure that Jaden had something to do with it. So I got out a rag & started wiping down the wall. I got to the light switch & that was filthy!! I wonder how many other light switch covers were that dirty? So I went to every cover and wiped it down. Well, next to almost every light cover is a door. You got it, dirty finger prints all over my door! I can now say almost every nook & cranny of my house is clean! I thought my house was clean, but when you really take a close up look at things, you start to notice the dirt.

I am not a clean freak by any means (Joe wishes!!!! LOL!!!), but I am not a slob either. Cleaning is my most hated thing to do. And in all honestly, my house wouldn't be as clean as it is if it weren't for the fact that Joe is a neat freak. The problem with me is that I am absent minded. I start doing something & I get distracted. I leave what ever I was doing there. Then I move on to my next future mess. I lose things like crazy like this. I am so disorganized like that. If my head wasn't skrewed on, I would have lost that long time ago.

And of course, I would rather be playing with the boys than doing the dishes!!! I slack all day until an hour before Joe gets home! I must say that one of my many talents is speed cleaning! I can clean a house in record time if I am under pressure to get it done. But if I don't have a "reason" to clean, it takes me ALL day!

I wish I were more like my BFF. Her house is ALWAYS clean. You can drop in on her with no notice and everything in her house is perfect. Not a thing out of place. I have no idea how she does this with two kids!! I am too lazy to be a neat freak....but I really with I was one!! Maybe the Lord will gift me with the gift of neat freakness! :)